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The Trombone Retreat
The Trombone Retreat
Science: Trombonists Make the Best Lovers
We're doing something new! What is it? Great question! But it's new! So that's cool, right? Introducing Nick and Sebastian's first new weekly pod where they talk about trombone news, weekly gripes, answer questions and much more! Today we're lifting the lid on the long-debated topic of cut bells on trombones and also call out some bad personnel manager behavior. Lastly, we get into how the world is finally realizing that trombonists are the best lovers.
Email us questions and ideas at tromboneretreat@gmail.com
Also introducing special features with Patreon: www.patreon.com/tromboneretreat
Learn more about the Trombone Retreat and upcoming festival here: linktr.ee/tromboneretreat
Hosted by Sebastian Vera - @js.vera (insta) and Nick Schwartz - @basstrombone444 (insta)
Produced and edited by Sebastian Vera
Music: Firehorse: Mvt 1 - Trot by Steven Verhelst performed live by Brian Santero, Sebastian Vera and Nick Schwartz
Thank you to our season sponsor Houghton Horns: www.houghtonhorns.com
Support the show
Well, hello there and welcome to Nick. What is this?
Speaker 2:This is Riffin with Sebia Nick.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you just rift that title, I did.
Speaker 2:That was hot off the dome.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure that's going to stick, but that's what this is going to be called today. So Nick and I were looking at ways of you know posting more consistently. We hear you, we're flattered that you want more episodes, and we decided, hey, why don't we just record a shorter form weekly episode, just the two of us, in addition to our long form interviews?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we'll see what this develops into. It's going to be kind of whatever we want it to be for content curators.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, just stop. Well, we have a few things we want to talk about today. It's been a pretty busy week for me. How's it been for you? I would say middling, middling, as far as like how fun it's been.
Speaker 2:No, just well, that too. I had four performances at the Met and taught a bunch. Taught a bunch this week actually, and was it? I think I got back from Pittsburgh a week. I don't know when I got back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had a fun little visit.
Speaker 2:That's right. I was just in the Berg. I stayed with Sebi, Sebi Pop Masterson's. It was beautiful.
Speaker 1:You shouldn't compare me to a Masterson. That's like a bad word right now. That guy got in trouble, that 70 show guy.
Speaker 2:That's not Masterson, is it? Yeah, isn't it Danny Masterson? I thought it was Madison or something like that. I'm going to go with Maddie Madison. How about that Cool? Do you know who Maddie Madison is? I don't know who's that. He's a Canadian TV chef. I mean, he's a real chef. He has restaurants in Montreal or Toronto. Yeah, wow, but he's a bigger than life personality. That's a great, great story. Well, it's not my fault. You don't know who Maddie?
Speaker 1:Madison is. So your trip was awesome. You came and worked with my students at Duquesne and it was great. I taught some lessons in my house while I watched Netflix, so my job was super easy. But, yeah, come back more often, man, it's a short flight. Yeah, my week's been kind of weird too.
Speaker 1:I've been playing a lot of opera. We're actually playing Flying Dutchman right now, which is crazy, because I've been in the Pittsburgh Opera since 2011 and this is the first Wagner that we've done, which might be surprising to a lot of people, but those in the opera world know that Wagner is one of the most expensive productions to put on. The sets are more expensive, the orchestra often. You know longer operas, so you'll have to pay the orchestra more. The singers are more expensive, because it's rare to find the singers that can do that type of singing. So you know it's one of the shorter ones, but it's exciting that we're getting to do it. So I've been doing that and then mixing it with like patriotic brass band show, sometimes in the same day, which couldn't be more different. One thing I do want to talk to you about, though I have been experimenting with a cut bell. Some people call them, you know screw bells and I know you've been playing on one for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you decided to. You know, call them oil and have a bris.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I'm still experimenting and yeah, you know, for a long time I thought it was pretty much for portability and travel, but what I'm learning more now is it really is a sound difference and it's a feel difference and it's definitely taken me time to get used to it and there's definite times where, if you play it the wrong way, it doesn't work. But if you like, let go and trust it. It's like it's pretty incredible, like the core it keeps.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, like I actually bought mine I think it was during the pandemic yeah, it was during the pandemic and I bought it specifically with the idea of portability, that's like that's what I was going to use it for. And then I got it and I started realizing I think I like this better than my uncut belt, because I didn't cut my original bell. I bought one that was designed to be cut they. They spin them a little bit differently so that it's like the weight Addition of the ring where it screws in.
Speaker 1:It's a better way to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to like lighten it up in certain areas so that the addition of that weight doesn't screw with the whole like resonance of the bell and I mean. No doubt they're different, right, but I just I found it like better and I can't quite explain why and I doubt it'd be better like across the board, like like every horn would be better with a screw bell or every horn is better without one. I think it's kind of case by case and person by person, but like I was definitely negative on the idea of screw bells and then I started trying one, or I bought one and it was like whoa, ok, I'm converted. I mean, what's it do for you? I feel like it like kind of like brings in the walls of the sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah it's, it's a feel thing, but it's also a sound thing. Like it does change it somehow, and for me I always found that change to be better. Like it helps me with control a little bit more projection, it doesn't hurt that. It's really portable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that part's freaking amazing. Like the first time taking a flight was just heaven and I've always been a purist with most things. Like I don't want anything on my trombone like extra straps. I really want to feel the vibration and I really want that to be pure and that's why I was kind of against it too. But it's in a way it's, if you think about it holistically, you're just putting an extra like weighted ring at a certain point in your bell. That just gives you more focus and power and if you blow it the wrong way, I feel like the vibration can kind of get stuck in there. But if you think about like the sound, like resonating on the outside of the bell, it's, it's kind of magical. I definitely feel like it narrows the sound a little bit, so like it's at the very slightest, like I don't hear myself. I feel like as well as I did with my other bell. But the feedback I'm getting is just every everyone is universally loving how it's sounding. So universally yeah, universally the entire world has emailed me and told me what they think. Speaking of the entire world, you want to hear the latest trombone and Google news alerts? Oh, boy, do I.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this is going to be a segment on our show, riffing with what we call this, riffing with the bass and fudge master. Yeah, okay, let's check. Let's check, okay. Trumbone shorty, trumbone, shorty, trumbone, shorty, trumbone, shorty, trumbone, champ. All right, that about sums it up.
Speaker 2:Wow, man, what an amazing week for news in the trumbone world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll keep on this and if you guys find any good news, please send it to us. We'll keep on this Breaking news.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I mean we're going to say this again at the end. But yeah, please send us like any interesting topics you'd like to hear talked about that you find interesting, or like articles that you find, or news stories, whatever that are trombone or music related or just funny whatever. We'll take a peek, give it a good old gander.
Speaker 1:Speaking of segments, I think we'll also work. Is GRIPE of the Week. I got a GRIPE. I got a. Gripe, yeah, and just have a chance to just, you know, air your grievances. Literally, I got a ripe gripe.
Speaker 2:Oh, I want to hear it Okay. Has this ever happened to you, John Sebastian Vera, where you open your email and you see an offer for a gig and you open it up and it's like whatever the work offer is, and then it says some variation of basically first come for a serve and then you realize that that work offer has been sent to like 20 people.
Speaker 2:Yep, nope, I don't even reply to those. Yeah, I don't either, and it's like I understand. If it's like I need someone today, there's an emergency and I don't have time to wait for everybody, that's, that's extenuating circumstances. But like I've gotten offers like that for like a month away and I'm just like like what the hell? You know, you can't, you can't just like call one person. It's so disrespectful, you know to everybody.
Speaker 1:It's like ringing ringing, ringing a dinner bell and like come and get it.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah, and it's usually almost exclusively. They're not very good gigs to begin with, right when contractors hire that way. So you know man, can people stop doing that? Because I feel like there's been an uptake in that lately. Maybe it just feels that way for me, but it's been driving me freaking nuts.
Speaker 1:I think that is a legitimate first gripe.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's yeah, I mean that's, it's like a new personal manager and they're like I don't know why people waste all this time emailing people one at a time, just email them all at once, boom.
Speaker 2:Settled. Yeah, that's. They're like life hacking, you know. They're like Tim Ferriss four hour work week or whatever it's called.
Speaker 1:I'm even kind of annoyed even if it's last minute, though, to get those, because I mean, no matter what, I'm going to respond very quickly. So if they're sending it last minute, it also means they didn't ask you first, which is another thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1:Unless one of their like members of their group is like, all of a sudden has to run.
Speaker 2:But well, that's well, hold on. That's not necessarily true because, like what, if that's their first step of hiring somebody, they didn't even ask an individual. Like that's kind of assuming, if I understand you correctly, that they asked one or two people and they're like, okay, I'm done wasting time on this, and then they just ask like 15, 20 people at one. But that could be like the first time. Like the first time they've asked anybody is everybody all at once, and that's even worse. So it's so ridiculous. But yeah, there's a lot of reasons why it's just so stupid. It's lazy, it's disrespectful, it's like whatever. I mean, I guess, past the issues, we all have issues, but and all the personal managers listen to our podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm sure this will fix the problem.
Speaker 2:Welcome, welcome to manage and orchestras with Nick and Seb. Why don't we just change our podcast name like this, this segment's name, like 10 times every single episode.
Speaker 1:I'm for it. Well, until we settle on what this is called, and we are very welcome to hearing suggestions. So send us an email at trombone retreat at gmailcom with any news, articles or ideas for segments where we're open and we might have the occasional guests pop on here for fun. It's not gonna be the normal long form interview, but you never know what's gonna happen on the Trombone Weekly. That's what's so that's what.
Speaker 2:That's what's so exciting about the Trombone space, you know so unexplored.
Speaker 1:We're like astronauts.
Speaker 2:You know, well, I just had an idea also that you know we could come up with a bunch of names and put them out there and then have like a vote from our public on which one's the best, and then we can have like a press conference announcing the release of our new name, and we could do it at like FUD rockers in Rockford Illinois or something like that. Did you just call?
Speaker 1:it FUD rockers, fud rockers, fud rockers.
Speaker 2:You get that right Well if you're going, if you're going to the FUDs, you're rucking up. How dare you? Don't desecrate the sacred name of the Ruck.
Speaker 1:Great burgers If you'd FUD rockers if you'd like to sponsor the podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're desperately looking for a beef based sponsorship. Oh yeah, that'd be great.
Speaker 1:Forget all these music businesses, let's. We need to get more into food. Hey, I'm here for it. Also, we'd love to have a question and answer segment, and Trombone related whatever related were open to that. So send us questions at tromboneretreatgmailcom. So this is the aim, for this is going to be weekly, so we found that we're most free on Monday, so we're going to try to record on Mondays, hopefully put it out shortly thereafter, because we're just going to be perfect and I'm not going to need to edit it because we're just seasoned podcasting professionals. On a closing note, nick, I'd like to share with you an article I've wanted to talk to you about for a while. It's the Mirror UK. The Mirror, the Mirror. I've I've trouble with double R words like R? U R A L. I can't say it. Not going to try.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like on 30 Rock they have the, the, the show that Jenna's on, the movie that Jenna's on called the rural juror, and every word.
Speaker 1:Not going to try to say that. So the Mirror wrote an article. You know they have Glenn Miller as the the photo for some reason. Classic. Recently they had a poll where they asked 2000 people to choose the type of musician that they've had the best sex with. Clutch my pearls, and of course these had to be people that have had sex with a musician. Parents, put your children to bed if you haven't had that talk yet. So obviously I gave it away with the photo of Glenn Miller, but topping the list of the top 10 lovers of all musicians Trumbonist at 16 percent. Let's go Trumbonists, which you and I already know is true, but it's just cool that the world is catching on.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, you know, just I turned the lights way down low. The lights way down low like my Yamaha side. Oil scented candles Poor.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, can you imagine the poison that would be?
Speaker 2:It just felt like petroleum.
Speaker 1:Well that that lubricant already looks kind of like something already that we all know.
Speaker 3:So, but that's another, that's another episode, so the top that you want to hear the top 10.
Speaker 1:I want to hear the top 10. Yeah, starting at number 10 with five percent, is the clarinet. I'm personally I'm surprised that even crack the top 10. Nine were drums drummers.
Speaker 2:I guess we're talking I mean in good shape normally you know, very physical instrument you know, physical burn a lot of calories.
Speaker 1:They have good pacing, good rhythm. They usually have very nice hair.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking like metal drummers.
Speaker 1:I guess when I think sexiness, I think less hair. Personally, oh yeah, number eight trumpet bullshit. So I think that I think that's if you, you know, you like, like someone to take charge, be type A and just you know, tell you what to do all the time and put some hips lips and nips into it. Number seven Piano Pianists you know more introverted, knows how to work by themselves, good with their hands. Checks out, I may or?
Speaker 2:may not be married to a pianist, so go on, that's true.
Speaker 1:Number six flute with 10%, little surprising.
Speaker 2:I, uh, I have thoughts, but those are going to be internal thoughts for now.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you want someone maybe a little more on the high strung area of the spectrum. Lots of energy.
Speaker 2:I think it's pronounced as crazy.
Speaker 1:Wow, the flute podcasts are not going to be happy with us. Number five, kind of along the same vein, is violin. I think they're thinking more romance, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, Like the earliest violin concerto.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like serenade you before dinner.
Speaker 2:Like that scene in red violin.
Speaker 1:That one scene.
Speaker 2:Well, the scene where they open the door and they're like he's playing the violin while they're making love.
Speaker 1:Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep. The guy that's like imitating. Uh, what's Paganini? Paganini, yeah, yeah, yeah. Number four, which is a little cliche saxophone.
Speaker 2:I mean they do have the greatest horn riff of all time is on a saxophone.
Speaker 1:If this was based on, like the 80s, where there was a saxophone solo on every pop song ever, saxophone might be number one. I mean.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the other thing, and it's a very important distinction that I'm kind of sensing some shoddy journalism here. To be honest, Saxophone needs to be defined as specifically jazz saxophone, because classical saxophone isn't anywhere on this list. I think you're, I think that's accurate, and I know someone who's going to be upset at me for saying that I have to say that E-Bear saxophone concerto is as sexy as it gets for me.
Speaker 1:I personally like the E-Bear flute sonata so I mean that's why they're both top ten Number three, a bit of a surprise the organ With 14% French horn.
Speaker 2:See, that can go either way. French horn players are either like really awesome and cool or super high strong, because they're kind of like they're like half trombone, because they can play real low but then they can play real high, so they're kind of half trumpet personality and you, you've got to run away. If you talk to a French horn player that says oh, I consider the French horn more of a woodwind instrument, Run away People say that oh yeah, what are you friends with?
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, I mean French horn a little of the trumpet personality because it's just such a hard instrument and so many solos. They kind of got to be type A a lot of the time, especially if you're playing first or third. But yeah, fourth horn, Top ten lovers yeah, yeah. Fourth horn, that's probably the best lover.
Speaker 2:Okay, number two not surprised by this one guitar, oh yeah, the classic guitar at a bonfire.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and the type of person you know, this person that plays a guitar in a setting like that but makes just strong eye contact with you the whole time.
Speaker 2:Mmm. Now, this is one I will say. The category of guitarist doesn't matter, unlike saxophone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, any type of guitar classical guitar, you could argue, is the sexiest in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2:I would say, like acoustic, james Taylor is probably going to be the sexiest overall to the widest amount of people. James Taylor does it for you, huh.
Speaker 1:I like a tall ball drink of water from Long. Island. That's like softly it sounds like easy listening but he's talking about like drug addiction. Yeah, it's like talking about withdrawal from heroin. Yeah, I've seen fire and I've seen rain and then we come to number one with trombone at 16% and you know, do I know why? I mean, could I put into words? I don't know. I mean, how do you describe colors to someone who's colorblind?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1:How do you?
Speaker 2:describe the smell of morning dew to someone who doesn't have their sense of smell. Michael Jordan played back.
Speaker 1:Michael Jordan played basketball. Tiger Woods played golf. Tiger Woods played golf. Trombone players loved. I also have the bottom five, which is I think they nailed this Okay. Can I take a guess? Because?
Speaker 2:I really don't know this. Yeah, let's see how many in the bottom five you can guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's see how many in the bottom five you can guess. Yeah, let's see how many in the bottom five you can guess. Um, oboe, oboe is number five, 3%, that is. That is. That is accurate Bassoon? Surprisingly no, but my guess is probably because most people on the survey don't even know what a bassoon is. Okay, Viola. Surprisingly no.
Speaker 2:But again, maybe same thing.
Speaker 1:I think there could be an argument for Viola to be in the top 10 instead of violin. I mean number one is Tuba. Yeah yeah nailed it 0.5%.
Speaker 2:I didn't even guess. I just told you that it is.
Speaker 1:Sorry, Tuba players.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're working against the odds there.
Speaker 2:If enough people knew what a euphonium was, that would be number one for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's just put euphonium and Tuba in the same category. Accordion Number two Very good, I'm surprised you got that one, but you know Argentinian type of stuff that can be a little atherapythola.
Speaker 2:Well, that's not accordion, that's bandonion. Oh, that's right, bandonion, bandonion, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, so two more. Okay, One surprising one and one that you probably won't guess. Huh, I would put theremin on here for sure.
Speaker 2:Herdy Gertie. Oh God, I said bass. Is that on there? No, that's surprising too. I feel like bass should be on the top list.
Speaker 1:Agreed. Yeah For all the bass players. I'm waiting for marriage, mom, don't worry. Okay. Number four yeah, cello, okay.
Speaker 2:All right, poppycock.
Speaker 1:You disagree? Disagree. Yeah, I think Cello is much sexier than violin or flute. Yeah, yeah. And then number three, with only 2% of the top five. Worst is ukulele, but I mean, imagine a big, sexy Hawaiian man playing for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like is Like somewhere over the rainbow. Yeah, that was a big hunk of love right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think he died, didn't he die? He did die, he did die. Oh man, maybe because he loved too much. Just loved his heart was too big. That wraps it up. I think this is a very accurate article, clearly based in lots of science, so there's nothing that we can disagree. Oh, there's like quotes from people. Yeah, this is terrible.
Speaker 2:Oh God.
Speaker 1:Good article, oh my God. One trombonist accounts boss, Gary Fletcher, 45 of high white comb bucks, said he wasn't surprised at the results of the study. He added at first I thought it was a bit of a duff instrument, but as I got better I realized it was a magnet for attracting the opposite sex. Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this person definitely like lives in their mom's basement.
Speaker 1:I mean, as all trombonists know, we have to sneak out the back door at every concert because the throngs of groupies, no autographs, no autographs, the underwear thrown on stage, yeah, yeah. Well, nick, I think that that about sums up our first episode. What do you think?
Speaker 2:I think this was a very fun experience and obviously we'll see how this grows and where it goes. And you know I'm just excited to do the trombon breakdown with Seb and Nick.
Speaker 1:You know, is that another title Correct? Yeah, I'm good, that was very subtle. I think what we've really done, we've scheduled our friendship, which I kind of like you know, no matter what, we're devoting our personal time, which I'm probably devoting more time to talking to you than my family right now.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, our friendship is becoming like a Swiss train scheduled, and it's on time.
Speaker 1:We're so cocky, we've done one episode and we're just like yep nailing it Exactly. Efficiency, All right. How are we going to wrap up this episode? Do we need the tagline, or something?
Speaker 2:Remember that fifth position has feelings too. Wow, wow.
Speaker 1:Okay, there you have it. Probably not. Probably not going to stick with that one. Yeah, we can come up with new taglines too, and I encourage everyone out there to make it a great day. Bye فون.
